Smooth sailing

So far. Another good day! I didn’t get to update yesterday so I’ll start there..

I did 90mins at the gym again yesterday. My legs are a little sore but nothing serious. I was kind of annoyed because I did basically the same thing as Monday but burned 100 cals less today wtf? Stupid. I think 900 is still pretty impressive though. I have upheld my plan to change my routine around aswell. I've started breaking up cardio and weights into smaller groups over the 90mins instead of doing all cardio then all weights. I've also started doing interval training during cardio which definitely gets the heart rate and calorie burning up! I've been doing 1min slow / 1min super speed and damnit that minute of super speed goes way slower than the slow minute! Did I mention it's also exhausting!

I didn’t make it to the gym today. I did drive almost all the way there before going back home. I had pretty bad uh, womanly pains lol Otherwise today was ok. My eating was fine. The only bad thing is a did succumb to weighing myself! I know mybad! Luckily I have actually lost!! Hooray! I just needed a little pick me up so I decided to go with the weigh in. Obviously I realise if I hadn’t lost anything yet it probably would've been a bad idea but hey, I did so it’s all good. I’m going to really try to stay away from the scales until Monday though.

I've also started re-reading the Gabriel Method as promised. I forgot how good it was. I will start the meditation after I finish reading it I think.

Turns out the gym is closed for five whole days! From Good Friday through to Tuesday which is ANZAC day public holiday. What will I do! Mum wants to go walking with me which I'll probably end up doing but the lack of calories burned per walking session is so annoying. It's like 'Go me I've been walking for 5 hours straight and burned 12 calories!' Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating there a little...

Urgh, new begining FAIL

So the last week or so since I've posted has been pretty bad.

Firstly I've been pretty down because I've somehow managed to put on four kilo's. I'm furious and disappointed and lots of other things and honestly, I really felt like giving up. Then I found out my nan was taken to hospital, she's still in there now. She had a small stroke and has had a pace maker put in. All is ok at the moment (she's in recovery) but for a while it was pretty scary so that's been very stressful. Partly because I've had to be the support for my mum and she's been pretty freaked about the whole thing, which is understandable. So neither of us have been to the gym for like a week (we go together) and that in itself made me feel even more crap if that's possible. SIGH.

I've also been guilt tripping myself quite a lot. I turned to food to deal with this situation which I then torn myself up about. I really feel like a failure at the moment to be honest.

Also for some stupid reason my mind decided it would choose this week to start freaking out about my future (career wise) because if I decide to go to University next year I have to start my entry course in June which means I really need to decide what I want to do before then which I can't seem to do.

So yes, in general it's been pretty.. urgh. However I have plans to go back to the gym on Monday as per the usual and try to work a bit harder. I've been looking into those weight loss retreats again because I keep watching the Biggest Loser on tv (also depressing btw) and I've been thinking about going to one for about two weeks but I can't really afford it. I'm sure I could work something out but it's a lot of money. I'm thinking that I'll try working harder at the gym for a while, maybe go twice a day and see if that can help budge some of this flubber. Sound familiar? lol Wasnt' I just saying the exact same things mere weeks ago.. The annoying thing is it's difficult to go twice! I mean, I have nothing better to do at the moment (yes, I'm a bum) but I already go in the mornings, the afternoons and evenings are packed (and boy, do I mean packed! It's only a small gym) so the only other quiet time to go is around 1pm ish and that's when some of the young, buff guys go to lift ridiculous weights and I feel way way self conscious around them. I've gone in the afternoons before but I usually feel so bad I leave after like 20 minutes which seems like a big waste of time because it then takes that long to drive home! As for working out at home, that doesn't really do it for me. I find it very hard to get motivated to exercise at home and then when I do it takes literally twice as long to burn the same amount of calories as it does at the gym which is disappointing. ARGH! I can't win!

I also found out yesterday that apparently my cousin was going to ask me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding but decided not to because she didn't want to put me in the awkward position of having to turn her down. Right, because surely no fat person in their right mind would want to be in a wedding party! I don't know what makes me more angry, the fact that she's right or that fact that she didn't even bother to ask! Can't I make my own decisions? Now I kind of don't want to go at all. I've offered to take care of my nan if she isn't well enough to go to the wedding (in 8 weeks) so I might not be. Just for the record I didn't offer to take care of her just to get out of going, that was a happy coincidence! The truth is I really do want to go and I would have been so flattered if she had asked me to participate.

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.

End whine

Day two. One word.. owie.

M&M's will never solve your problems. It will only add to them.

Heh that's very true. It's quite strange how we don't seem to realise that sometimes.

Anyhow, day two today! Woo go me. So far, so awesome. Except for the aforementioned owie. Yesterday I did two hours at the gym and 1/2 hour at home, hence the owie. I somehow hurt my shoulder and I have no idea how. Seriously, none of the machine's at the gym seem to aggravate the problem and it didn't actually hurt until hours after I left so.. strange. It's feeling a bit better today though which is good. Today I did another two hours at the gym but nothing at home because my thighs are a world of pain and crampness at the moment because I dared to use the squat machine yesterday. I haven't used it for a while and lordy I can definitely tell. But I still slogged it out at the gym today, pain and all, just a little less enthusiastically.

As for eating, I've done pretty awesome in that department (if I do say so myself). Day two into my sugar detox and all is going well. The worst thing I've eaten thus far is one piece of white bread (GASP!) and some 85% dark chocolate, which isn't technicaly bad I maybe just had a little too much.

So everything is going rather swimmingly at the moment. I did weigh myself today and it wasn't what I expected (huh? I haven't lost 10kgs wtf?!) but I'm not going there again until maybe Sunday or Monday. I'm pretty bad with keeping my promises to avoid the scales but I will try!

Hopefully I can loose as much as possible before my relo's upcoming wedding of doom. I really want to get a shocking reaction from people and at this point in time, I don't think I would even though I've already lost 25kgs. However, I have about 10 weeks to go and if I can keep this up who knows where I'll be. I was actually planning to do more than two hours per day, but I think I need to work up to that otherwise owie's may become so bad I can't exercise at all which would be worse. This week I'm sticking with two hours and I might up that next week. We'll see how I go.

Disclaimer about exercising. Yes, I realise two+ hours per day is absolutely not sustainable long term however at the moment I have nothing better to do so I figure I might as well work hard now and return to a more realistic routine later. I have been struggling to loose any weight for several months now and I was starting to feel hopeless, this way by working my butt off I'm hoping to see awesome results quickly which will help with my overall motivation when the results slow back down to a more 'reasonable' speed.

Wow I can't believe my second post has remained positive. That's a good sign too me.

I think one of my hurdles this week will be avoiding the food reward. That's where everything fell apart since the start of my 'journey'. No food rewards damn you. At least, not secret ones where there's noone to make me feel guilty about that 10th chocolate bar ha! I'm thinking maybe I buy myself something for each goal of losing maybe 5kgs? That sounds pretty reasonable. I just can't think of anything..  Clothes is out because I already have a problem buying clothes "to fit into". It's a terrible habit and the huge store sales aren't helping one bit! 75% off! Who can turn away from that? And I honestly can't think of anything else. I thought maybe books but that's something I buy often anyway so it wouldn't really be a treat. Oh well. I'll keep thinking!

Until tomorrow.