New plans - starting tomorrow.

I have a new plan that I'm starting as of tomorrow.

• Eating mostly naked foods (not me naked, the food naked) as per Tiffiny's book
• Planning meals but not freaking over a meal plan. Happy medium, check
• STAY AWAY FROM THE SCALES except for one set day per week
• Keeping a food diary and writing everything in it
• Take it one day at a time. If I screw up once that doesn't mean I get the whole week "off"
• Re-read the Gabriel Method and start listening to meditation again
• Try a new routine at the gym. My workout needs a change
• Don't put so much pressure on myself, every loss is a loss! It doesn't have to be five kgs!
• Stop stressing about it for heaven's sake!

That's the basis of the plan for now. I feel like I want to add more but I can't think of anything else at the mo.

So obviously I'm feeling a little more positive again today but at the same time I'm feeling a little stressed as well. It kind of dawned on me today how long it's going to take to get where I want to be but it's better then waiting that long and still being where I am now. I also remembered yesterday that the gym is actually going to be closed for almost a week over the Easter holidays! Damnit! Stupid gym owner and his stupid life! It's a pity he isn't willing to open just for a couple hours in the morning each day. I hate exercising at home. Bleck.

I've been thinking about getting a treddy to use at home actually (yes, I know what I just wrote about exercise at home. I'm an enigma, get over it) because I want to start getting my jog on but I don't like doing it at the gym because well, parts move around y'know. It would probably just be temporary until I feel confident enough to use the gym treddy and/or go for jogs outside. They are pretty expensive though. My aunty has offered me hers and I can just pay off whatever is remaining on the contract (I think she got it on a interest free thing) but I feel a bit guilty because really she should be using it and I mean that in the nicest possible way! (She's heaps smaller than me) I also worry she'll use that as an excuse for not exercising and sort of indirectly blame me because I know she doesn't have the will power to go to the gym at the moment (even thought she's paying to go). I might talk to mum about it and see what she's thinks.

That's about it for now. Good luck to me for tomorrow! :D

Listy

My list of reasons to lose weight. Ok so they're mostly vain and related to looks but so what! Because I'm still young I haven't had any health issues related to weight (yet) and besides I've gone my whole life without ever feeling I look good so why wouldn't I want too. That's my story and I'm sticking to it! :P

Listy - in no particular order.

• I want to run into old friends and have them not recognise me anymore in a good way, unlike now.
• So I can actually get in contact with old friends without worrying they're going to ask to meet up. (I have actually avoided contacting people I dearly miss from school years mostly because I don't want them to see how big I've become over the years).
• So my boobs stick out further than my tummy
• So I can be healthy!
• And fit!
• Maybe even be desirable to people other than those with a fetish.
• So that I am not the fattest person where ever I go.
• I don't want to use my weight as a reason for not being successful anymore.
• I want to wear cute dresses!
• So I can have a bath, comfortably.
• So that I stop making excuses not to socialise.
• I want people to not be so shocked to see my siblings because they're all skinny and I'm the fat one.
• I want to walk into any clothing store and be able to buy something that fits and looks nice.
• So I can wear the fashion I love.
• So people aren't surprised to learn I love fashion!
• I want to wear boots!
• So I have to find something else to blame for everything sucky in my life.
• I want to travel overseas and not worry about prejudice from 'skinny' countries
• So when anyone looks at me I don't automatically think they're thinking how gross I am.
• So I can go to the gym whenever I want and not have to hide from the hot people
• So I can finally go to university and not worry about missing out
• So I can go to a job or a job interview and not think everyone is judging my fatness
• So people don't judge me as a lazy person just from looking at me
• So I don't get drive by fat comments
• So I can be comfortable
• So I can't say I'm still struggling with my weight! I want to WIN the battle!
• So I can weigh myself and see double digits! I haven't seen those for many years..
• So I don't have to cover the machines at the gym when I enter my weight.
• I want to be one of those annoying people who's happy in their own skin!
• To be able to go to the doctor and not worry about getting a lecture.
• So I can enjoy life!
• So I feel like I have the slightest hope of finding a partner one day.
• So when I tell people I'm trying to lose weight they say I really don't need to instead of "good for you".
• So I can eat in public and not feel judged
• So I can comfortably wear high heels! (well.. as comfortable as it can be)
• So I can wear jeans and cute t-shirts!
• And shorts! And skirts! And anything besides what I wear now!
• I never want anyone to say I'd be so ______ if I lost weight.
• So I can exercise just to get fit and strong, not just to lose weight
• So I can wear cute gym clothes!
• So I can put photo's of myself on my facebook account
• So, for the first time in my life I can simply maintain my weight and not worry about losing weight

That's about all for now. I feel like I could go on for days and I probably could but it's getting a little long. They're all true as well. I'll have to come look at it next time I'm having a bad day and feel like reaching for the chocolate! ..Mm.. chocolate. Damn it!

This is why I'm here, I want to change my life! And I really feel like I can this time. I won't be another statistic of weight loss failures.