Tuesday, May 17, 2011

There's good news and bad news..

The good news is, horay! I've stuck to going to the gym again (for two whole days GASP!) even suffering through freezing weather and literally icey frozen cars. The bad news is my eating hasn't really improved to the same level.. if at all. So at the moment it's a combination of go me/I suck.

I'm actually feeling pretty guilty about eating badly today which is something that happens very rarely, if ever so I'm going to take that as a good sign. I'm also going to try to focus on the positives that I've achieved this week and try not to overly beat myself up over the failures. It's a new thing I'm trying, I was sick of explaining the black eyes all the time.

That said, by next week I want my butt to be in gear! Healthy mode, stat! And I'm not waiting until Monday because that always fails me. I'm going to start before Monday, not sure when.. Just before Monday.

Next week I also want to start going back to the gym for a little longer. Two hours was a little overkill but one hour seems a little slackish (for me) so I want to go back to 90 minutes. I was feeling quite good when I did that a couple of weeks ago and I was smashing through 900+ calories per session which is super awesome.

I've been thinking today, what the hell makes me think it's ok to keep cheating with food. That's what annoys me. What right do I have to jeopardise my future and my happiness for the sake of tasty food that really I can have any old time. It kind of pisses me off that I can't motivate and/or control myself at the moment. It always seems like when I really think about it, I feel this way but in the heat of the moment (or heat of the craving) everything just gets pushed to the back of my mind by the fat girl part of my brain and I think, meh, go for it. Why? Why? Why sit there moping and getting depressed about how little weight I've lost over the last 9-10 months when I could just get up and do something about it instead! So that I haven't only lost the same little amount in 12 months! I suppose if I could really answer these questions being overweight wouldn't be a problem would it now. Not for me or anyone else.

Gah, just gah!

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